I prepared very much for interview at company. I very wanted the job, but did not win. Now I am sad. What can I do?
The issue 7430 is describing is the issue of failure to get the job they wanted. The issue is rejection. Not just any kind of rejection, but rejection that comes after having worked very hard to get the job. This is tragic! Terrible. I’m sorry to hear that.
So today, you are going to learn how they you rise from the ashes of defeat: how you can overcome the rejection and failure that sometimes happens when searching for a job.
Let me ask you all a question. It’s a personal question. A serious question. Have you ever had a broken heart?
The reason I ask, is that failing to get a job after preparing really much is a lot like failing in love.I’ve heard it said many places that searching for a job, is a lot like dating. You court the company, the company checks you out, you get a feel for each other and decide whether or not to go in the same direction together.
Sometimes one person starts to like the other a lot more than the other likes them. The person buts a lot of effort, but the love is rejected. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it does not. When it does not happen, especially when we REALLY HOPE that it does, it can be just as crushing as rejected love.
So how do we get over it?
We need to do the DART!
DART is an acronym I created that helps me remember how to overcome failure.
D stands for Do No Harm! AR stands for Accept Reality. And T stands for Take Positive Action.
D--Do No Harm
Don't hurt the company. Don't say bad things about them. You never know, the person they intended to hire might not take the job. The company may remember you. If you say bad things and they learn of it, they'll think you're pathetic and hire another person.
So, protect your reputation. Say good things. Write them a thank you note thanking them for the opportunity. Tell them that you hope maybe one day in the future you two can work together. ...don't send a note like this to your lover though. Bad idea! ...for many reasons.
Don't Harm Yourself.
This is obvious. Don't take it all so personally. You are still awesome. You are not a permanent failure. Your effort was great! You failed. This is just one small smudge on the giant canvas that is your life. You don't know the future. This could be a good thing.
Remember the proverb about the man with the son that didn't have to go to war. The father of the son didn't know if it was good or bad. (Do a Google search for more info.)
Don't Harm others.
Don't go home and tell your mom her food is terrible just because you're angry. Don't tell your girlfriend her hair looks terrible. Don't throw your cat out the window. Be nice to people.
Don't make your feelings worse by hurting the company, yourself or others!
Next, AR--Accept Reality!
Reality is that the job chance is over. Finished. Gone. Dead. Have a funeral!
Let it go. Delete. Move on! Feel the pain, feel the sadness. Have a sit-down, take a 30 minute pity party, but then get up and get going. Don't dwell. Accept what has happened, and then move on!
Because the reality is YOU ARE AWESOME! You learned so much from this experience. You have now new stories to tell. This job is not the only job in the world. There are better ones probably out there! You can get them.
You never know, this job might have been perfect. It just might have been that the person interviewing you thought you reminded them of their high school bully. People sometimes make illogical choices. HR managers are no different. Who knows the real reason you didn't get the job.
So.....accept reality that it's gone, and that you are great and doing a good job. You can't control everything.
T--Take positive action.
Positive action is so important!!! You can't think your way into right feeling or action. You must act your way into good feelings. You must act act act.
So. Grab a pen. Grab a pad of paper. Go to a coffee shop. Buy a coffee. Have a seat. Write! Analyze what happened!
There are 5 questions that can help you focus and analyze. Answer these questions as best as you can.
1. What happened?
Think about everything you experienced. Write about what happened. Write about the facts. Don't speculate. Don't sit there writing about how fat you are, or how they thought you were stupid. Don't do that. Write the facts. What did you talk about? What questions did they ask?
Give details. This helps you get perspective.
2. What did you do wrong?
Now! Very important! Do not write more than 10 things. I mean it. It's easy for people who feel bad to write a million and four things about how bad they are. Don't do it! Again, don't opinionate.
Give yourself a break, but be honest. Facts. What did you honestly do wrong.
You are not the worst person in the world, so don't go to that mind frame. You are not the second worst, third worst or even fourth worst. ...if you really want to feel bad, then you can call yourself the fifth worst, but that's it!!! You are not the worst. PERIOD!
10 things! Write.
3. What can you do to improve?
This is to balance the paper between what you did wrong and what can be improved. This helps create better perspective. It changes our minds toward better analyzing the situation.
For example, if you wrote that your posture went wrong, then you can improve this. If you wrote you answered some questions poorly, then you can improve this. Write!
4. What did you do well?
This is a great question. And it takes hard work to write. I want you to write as many things as possible. MAKE THIS LIST HUGE!!! Because the truth is you did a lot of things right. You may not think so, but you did. A) you showed up. B) you prepared. C) You tried. A lot of people don't even do that, so you are already better than 90% of the world!
Make the list silly if need be. Talk about your hair, your fingernails, your shoes.
Talk about whatever that is good that you did. Be ridiculous.
Trust me. Try this and see....writing it will put you in a better mood. Action is the key to changing your feelings and mind. Writing about things you did well during the job preparation and interview will help big!
5. What can you learn and USE from this?
This is so important. What can you take away from the experience? What do you know now that you didn't know before? Probably, you know a huge amount.
If you think about it, you at least now have a failure story you can talk about.
A lot of interviewers ask you to describe a time when you faced failure and how you were able to overcome it. Well, now you have a failure story, and by writing this stuff down, and working through my tips, you have a great recovery story.
The truth is there is so much you learned from the process. You can feel good about yourself for having done so much and experienced so much. This process will change you and make you stronger. If you let it.
There is a great quote from Barak Obama. He said it will giving a speech to a high school. He was telling them how they will all be faced with failure at least sometimes in their lives. He said:
"The real test is not whether you avoid...failure...it's whether you let it harden or shame you into inaction, or whether you [choose to] learn from it; whether you choose to persevere."So that sums up the DART, my acronym for helping me overcome failure. I hope it works for you. Remember that D stands for Do no harm, AR stands for Accept Reality, and T stands for Take positive action.
I hope this helps! Keep up the fight, Job warriors! Good luck to you all, and to you 7430! Until next week! All for now!